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 Review #4742416 |
 | Hello, Kitty!  [13+] A surprise visit  |
| (4.0)  This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" ! Hi Gaby .I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reviewing your offering "Hello, Kitty!" as part of a ten-review mini-raid. This is #2. The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer, and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  Overall Impression. When I remarried ten years ago, I gained a new wife and four cats--two indoor and two outdoor. I'd never had a cat in my 60 years of life. I have to admit, they do grow on you. What personalities they have.Great job meeting the contest prompt. I can't imagine 13 cats of any persuasion, especially kittens. I believe Ms. Foxy outdid herself. We don't have one, but I assume a tuxedo cat is a black and white one. Regarding your title--one thing I've learned is that when addressing a cat, it's always twice. "Hello, Kitty, Kitty!" By the way, snoring and farting are definite grounds for banishment to the great outdoors.  Editorial Thoughts. Some of the sentences seemed disjointed when I read them. It occurs when three or more phrases are in one sentence. Try reading your story out loud and I think you hear those spots. One example:I wished I could take her for a walk, the light breeze felt good on my skin at least, but I knew that I couldn't. The middle phrase felt out of place. Perhaps something like this: Returning home the light breeze felt good on my skin. I wished I could take her for a walk, but I knew I couldn't. Very ingenious solution to the bad behavior of the kittens. I would definitely love a pet of that sort (not to give anything away).   Technical Considerations. Delete the comma. evidence of rummaging, visible on my driveway. Maintain tenses. 'scooted' --> 'there was'. I scooted to the edge of my comforter, just in case there's some foulness involved. Again, tenses. 'realized' --> 'it was'. I realized that it's her litter. Another wordsmith moment. ... nibbled on licked the milk ... My Rating. 4.0. Thank you for sharing your offering.
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