\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4742228
Review #4742228
Viewing a review of: {citem:}
Review of  Open in new Window.
Review by Annette Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
A "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window. review from
The Free Folk image for G.o.T.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


Hello dragonwoman Author Icon

The combination of the title and intro line about spacemen needing a book sounds promising for a tale full of unusual twists and turns. Who could possibly imagine spacemen needing books? Don't they have most everything in digital to save space? I must read on to find out.

The ending of this story leaves me wondering whether I overlooked something. I am not sure why the codebook needs a codebook? At this point, I am not so much worried about the contents of the ticker message that came through. It doesn't seem to be life threatening and the two characters appear to be able to cause all kind of drama without hearing any kind of orders from the outside world (galaxy). The other option is that Liburn and Naglar are not the brightest bunch and simply don't know how to read in the first place.

“I heard you the first time, you want the codebook!” *Right* I can't be one hundred percent sure, but I think that there should be a period and new sentence rather than a comma between these two statements. Both the first and the second phrases have all of the necessary trimmings for a complete sentence with a person, an action, and even a thing.

Liburn said, turning pucer with every word *Right* What is "pucer"? I really can't figure it out.

Watching the changes to his skin with interest, Naglar seemed fascinated. *Right* "his" in this sentence is Liburn, but because there is a comma before Naglar, it reads as if Naglar watches his own skin turn pucer. It would make this sentence more clear if "Liburn's" replaced "his."


Annette
"The WDC Angel ArmyOpen in new Window.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/07/2024 @ 2:44pm EDT
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4742228