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Review #4742097
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The Miracle Bard Of Triem Open in new Window. [E]
I was born singing, but the gift had only caused me pain and loneliness, until...
by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
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The Iron Bank of Braavos Open in new Window. (13+)
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#1994693 by Gaby Author IconMail Icon
"Game of ThronesOpen in new Window. Hello fellow writer! My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes.
Title: The Miracle Bard of Triem
First Impression: This story has a great flow to it. I read along enraptured and eager to devour it in its entirety. You reveal a boy's life subjected to a queen's favour. She cares not for his happiness. He is intended to assuage her sorrows and burdens. Marsden wallows along until he discovers his true gift and he resurrects the fortunes/well being of an entire kingdom. His singing gift then benefitted not only everyone, but himself as well. He graduates from being treated as a pet or amusement to a cherished benefactor. It is a feel good story, a fairy tale with a happy ending.
What needs your attention: Absolutely nothing. I cannot think of anything that requires an edit. Your tale is understandable and as you write it, almost credible. I found the spacing made it easy to read. Your words were not cramped and jumbled. Wait, I espied a typo, a missing letter. The word should be 'knew' in "that Gillian new my thoughts."
What part I liked best: Your description of the haughty queen relaxing noticeably when Marsden sang for her is a powerful scene. She understands she needs respite from queenly day-to-day affairs, but her lack of empathy for the boy is chilling. Gillian is depicted as a beautiful creature. Impressive that you created lyrics for Marsden's transformative song that restored vitality and prosperity to the land. I can picture all of that miracle unfolding. Marsden's true magic is that he is a healer.
Overall Impression: This is a wondrous fairy tale with a satisfactory ending. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure! What does the fox say??? Listen carefully. (1833 characters) DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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