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 Review #4741478 |
 | A Banana Split  [E] "When...life is less than ideal, I have dessert...fudge...nuts,/Cherries, whipped cream"  |
| (4.5)  This Review was done on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" ! Hi Tim Chiu .I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "A Banana Split" . The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  Overall Impression. I actually found your offering on the Read & Review feature. I couldn't resist chatting up your delicious efforts to change your present circumstances. I suppose many people turn to food as a way to forget their present tenses, so to speak. And there are much worse things to eat. Right?You chose a four stanza poem to express your philosophic shortcomings. Using an a-a-b-b rhyming pattern, you tell us about a favored method to lighten your mood. A ripe banana and all the necessary accoutrements properly layered in a mountain of delight is just the ticket to raise anybody's mood.  Editorial Thoughts. With the exception of your poem's meter, I enjoyed your offering. I know it's my thing, but I tend to want to force a poem into a certain pattern as I read. My mind wants order (though it seldom finds it, I think).  Your first stanza states the problem--feeling down. Your next stanza outlines the solution to your troubles, that banana split. Your remaining stanzas reach the essence of your plight, at least in my humble opinion. One doesn't need artificial means to change one's circumstance. You have the power within to foster your success.  Technical Considerations. This section relates to the mechanics of your writing. May I suggest you re-visit your Brief Description? It needs to be edited. Punctuation errors do not entice a reader. A suggestion follows "When life is less than ideal, I have dessert--fudge, nuts, cherries, whipped cream ...." Yes, it will fit. Favorite Part. These first two lines are the key to maintaining a positive attitude and keeping on an even keel.Perhaps the number one power in life Is overcoming that inner strife, With substantial knowledge why we’re feeling Up and down, and not hitting the ceiling…  My Rating. 4.5.  Thank you for sharing your offering.
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