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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4741227
Review #4741227
Viewing a review of:
 
Desolate  [ASR]
You don't see my soul.
by Nikola~Thankful Library Lady
Review of Desolate  
Review by Cubby
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*Tulipp* Greetings, Nikola~Thankful Library Lady! I am reviewing this because I discovered it in the Read & Review forum. *Smile*

*Quill* First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.

*Tulipo* What I Liked

         *Bulletv* I could definitely feel the pain in your words. *Heart*
         *Bulletg* I liked the centering of this piece. Normally, I prefer to write free-verse poetry without the centering, unless it's Haiku, but I felt this worked very well. The colored font also added to the emotion, in my humble opinion.
         *Bulletp* I also liked that you added line spaces here and there, for pause. Very effective.


*Tulipo* Suggestions/Comments to Consider

         The only suggestion I have, which isn't to say I am right and you are wrong, is that you experiment with taking away most of the punctuation and also uncapping the beginning of each line. It's just a suggestion. I think it would flow a wee better, adding to the forlorn emotion. *Smile*


*Tulipo* Final Thoughts

         I felt such sadness while reading this. Excellent job pulling out this reader's emotions. *Heart* Well-done!


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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