Happy account anniversary!

Dawn in Ibiza is a lovely poem, and one that has a lot of potential. I see that it was written on vacation, which is great! There's something about a new place that really just brings that out in us poets. I also love the title! It's clear and to the point while also being quite evocative.

The imagery here is absolutely lovely. I feel like you really captured the beauty and joy of dawn in any place, but especially in a place that is new to us, a place we came to as a visitor. I think you also really captured the feeling of curiosity and wonder at what a new day is going to bring, especially in a new place. I really enjoyed how your opening line has an exclamation point, which I felt really captured the sudden and wonderous experience of a sunrise, and that your ending line has an ellipses, which I felt really captured that wonder at what a new day will bring. Great work on these aspects! I also wanted to note that I liked the white chalk imagery here, which I think really captures the skyline of Ibiza (at least from what I've seen in pictures!).

There are a few suggestions I wanted to make to help take your poem to the next level. The opening line is great with the exclamation point, but you don't need the comma that follows it. Ney should be nay, and there should be a second comma after the word "second" there. At the end of the first verse, ending on "where darkness was" would fit better since darkness would match brightness and was would correct the tense issue. In your second verse, the first line ends with "no messing" which feels a bit clunky in the context of the rest of the poem, and I think the line should be reconsidered.

Overall, this poem is a lovely vacation poem that really captures its subject. Some added polish could really boost it overall. I hope to read more poetry from you in the future!


Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.



"Game of Thrones" 

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .