Happy account anniversary!

Your poem White is an interesting and evocative dark poem, and I'd like to share my thoughts. Any suggestions I have are only suggestions, and as a whole, I think this poem is really good!

I think the imagery here is where the poem's strength lies. White halls/walls brings to mind images of being institutionalised, especially with the themes of being lost and forsaken, as you put in your description. I think this really adds to the darkness of the feeling of the poem, but it also grounds it firmly in reality. I love how this is contrasted with the almost fairytale-like imagery of castles and sirens. These themes combined with the imagery? Gorgeous work in that regard, you've really captured these darker emotions. The rhyming pattern here works well too, and it doesn't feel forced.

I think for me the biggest downside to your poem (and this is all a matter of taste, I'm sure!) is that some of your stylistic choices seem out of place or unnecessary for the other things this poem is doing. I don't really understand why the fourth line is written as it is. "Closer to dark Dis it brings." Is this meant to be a stylistic rendering of "this?" If so, why is it capitalised? Does "Dis" have a meaning I'm not aware of in this context? The choice to shorten "wandering" to "wand'ring" doesn't seem entirely necessary here. It's a choice that would typically be made to reduce the syllabic count, but the syllabic count doesn't seem to be consistent enough to justify that.

Overall, I think this is a really beautiful poem that could use a bit of tidying up around the stylistic choices. The imagery is beautiful and it flows well, and a bit of work could have this poem being truly stand-out. I hope to see you creating new poetry in the future!


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"Game of Thrones" 

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .