Hi FaeThorned -

This is a "Game of Thrones"  review.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

The reason I chose this particular story/poem: I was scrolling through the "Newbies to Read" and the description for this story caught my attention.

My opinion of said story/poem: I enjoyed this story very much. Little Johnny is a believable character, well thought out, and he shows typical behavior for a child of that age (I'm thinking 10). There are just a couple of things I feel I should point out:

1. In paragraph 5: for some reason the phrase "to protect himself" seems awkward, maybe "for protection" would be less wieldly.

2. In paragraph 6: instead of lowering only one arm you may want to allow him to lower both arms, it'll be a lot easier for him to get down from his perch that way.

3. In paragraph 8: I know Johnny's feet are probably quite tough from constantly going barefoot in such an environment, but, wouldn't the dirt forming the crater be really hot just from the impact? I would think there would be some type of reaction to that kind of heat, even if it's just wanting to hurry because it's so bloody hot. I could be wrong on this, maybe the earth doesn't absorb the heat with the impact.

Conclusion: This is an enjoyable little story that has the potential to be turned into a much longer story if you so choose.

Write on!

Thanks much,
Lovina




Your work was rated using the guidelines from:

Comment-In-A-Box  (E) My view on and methods of rating items on Writing.Com. #544247 by The StoryMistress

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .