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Review #4740650
Viewing a review of:
 I suffer in silence Open in new Window. [E]
If you were to be alone (not in real life)
by Grass Author Icon
Review by . . . Jeremy Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


Hello Grass

You are receiving this review of "I suffer in silenceOpen in new Window. in connection with "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..


*Gem* Areas of Strength

I think this poem effectively captures the complex emotions associated with suffering and feeling isolated while desperately searching for connection and understanding. You've crafted a poignant and evocative piece of writing by effectively using vivid imagery and emotional language.

The structure of the poem also lends itself nicely to the theme; it builds in tension as it progresses.

I mentioned your use of vivid imagery above and I wanted to highlight a couple of lines that I thought were so beautiful and emotionally haunting:

My soul twirling ribbons of darkness so entertwined

The deep urn of unshed tears and loneliness


*Gem* Areas for Improvement

The only area that I would offer some advice is on the repetition of the phrase "suffer in silence." I realize that's the namesake of your poem and it's also the overall focus. But because this poem isn't very long, having the same phrase used three times in such a short span of time detracts from the tormented beauty of the rest of this poem. Rather than driving home the point as a chant, motif, or refrain, it comes across as cliche and unimaginative. Like your creative juices have also been forced to suffer in silence. I'd suggest looking at some ways to capture the essence of suffering in silence and display them with more of your emotional imagery because you've already shown you can do that amazingly well. What does suffering in silence feel like and look like when seen through the lens of a creative and tortured soul that feels unfulfilled, unseen, unheard?

I'd suggest more imagery like long-dried and withered words linger on my tongue in unspoken agony, purpose and potential denied by fetters of my own timid reservations, I hesitate to breath in fear rebellious words try to escape the prison I've carefully constructed behind clenched teeth



*Snow2*          *Swords*          *Snow4*          *Swords*          *Snow2*


Let your imagination run wild and set your creativity free.

We are the Free Folk.

We do not kneel.




DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed within this review are the sole product of the reviewer. They do not necessarily reflect those of the group, activity and/or event in which they are affiliated. Any implementation of suggested edits is at the sole discretion of the piece's writer; they may be used when and where deemed necessary by the writer of the piece and/or disregarded in their entirety. The reviewer releases any and all rights and/or claims to those suggestive edits should they be utilized by the writer of the piece.


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