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 Review #4740448 |
 | Lin and Rosie  [E] Sometimes best friends forever doesn't last that long.  |
| (4.0)| Hi tracker , HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  I am reviewing your short story, "Lin and Rosie" , in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .Please remember these are purely my own opinions, and any advice given is done so with the sole intention of being helpful.  What I liked: I was drawn to this story by the title and brief description. I was interested to read about this friendship and to see where it had gone wrong. I wasn't expecting the story I found. It was different, and in a good way. This is a tale of unrequited love, between Lin and hew new friend, Rosie. Lin seems like a nice person who was, maybe, a bit vulnerable and preyed on by Rosie. I love how you gradually show your readers how Lin has spent a lot of money buying Rosie the things she wanted. I wanted to shake Lin and shout at her to stop spending her money on Rosie. She obviously was taking advantage of Lin, of her generosity. You did a great job with making me dislike Rosie and feel sorry for Lin. The way Rosie kept using words like "sweetheart" and "honey" really showed how much she manipulated Lin. I wondered why Lin had broken contact with Rosie. I thought, perhaps, it was because she'd finally seen through her. But, no. Unfortunately, Lin was in love with Rosie (though why, I can't imagine). She couldn't bear to just be her friend, but believes she could never be anything more. Suggestions: I wasn't sure that Lin would have written to Rosie. Why block all contact with her, then contact her via a letter? It's like Lin was hoping Rosie would contact her outside of their social medias / mobile phones. It just felt a bit odd, to me. I also have a grammar suggestion. "Her thoughts fantasized what how she would love her." A couple of things. Firstly, "what how" is a typo. I think you need to delete "what." Also, it reads a little odd to say her "thoughts fantasized" because thoughts can't fatasise. It is not the thoughts doing the fantasising. Maybe, if you said, "In her thoughts, she fantasised ..." The other place would look at is the part where Rosie says a friend of a friend hit on her. It was a bit hard to follow as you jump back and forth between times (a few weeks ago to last week). Also, it confused me because you have Rosie and Lin talking within a memory and also with Lin in the present tense. I like what you are doing here, I just think it needs to be clarified somewhat. Parting Comments: I am leaving this story with a hope that Lin doesn't connect with Rosie again. Because you can be sure Rosie will contact her when she needs something, a new pair of shoes, or whatever. You've left a strong impression on me. I think I will be thinking of these characters all day. Happy account anniversary! Choconut   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You last responded to this review 04/05/2024 @ 5:35am EDT