Hello Steven Gepp!

Thanks again for the beta reader opportunity on this urban dragon novel of yours. I just finished reading these two chapters (fifteen and sixteen), so I'm here to do your review. I hope you enjoy it and find it encouraging and uplifting.


INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:
I enjoyed these chapters and am looking forward to the next installment. Well done!

You kept my interest and I read the whole thing in one sitting. Well done!



MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:

As you specifically asked about pacing, here are my thoughts as regards to these two chapters: Okay, I'm no expert in pacing? I think that it was fine. The things that made me stop reading were not knowing the thing I'll talk about in the next bullet point and then this sentence: "I so wanted to go and comfort her, but was not sure how it would be received, and so I sat there and watched a naked woman slowly fall asleep under my shower." Because I was debating whether it was necessary. I think I'd just take naked out. But I debated a while... is it normal for a guy who doesn't know what to say to someone to just watch her until she falls asleep? And wouldn't he (being a nice guy and all), pick her up and put her in bed once she was asleep? Did she just spend the night in the shower until she woke up in chapter 16? Anyway, thinking about such things took me out of the story for a bit. I'm not sure if that's even a pacing thing? Maybe in one of your future about writing blog posts you could teach us about pacing. I have to say, even though it's not what this review is for, I do really enjoy your educational blog posts. Thank you for all of them! I don't always even remember to click like, but I either read them all when I see your link in the news feed or save the links to read later.

I was glad you explained what "a Buster Keaton sort of way" was. I decided to read a few more sentences before stopping reading to look it up and was glad, as I said, to read the explanation. I liked that Mark and Scott were such close friends that they had a secret code shared between them too. I thought that was cool. And their website, even if Scott hadn't used it in ages, gave them an extra way to connect. Neat addition.


I liked that Sally got back into action with doing the wards to protect Scott's place so theoretically she couldn't be found there.

I didn't notice any spelling or grammar mistakes in your two chapters. Well done!


Your story chapters were interesting to me, and made me want to read your next installment. Well done!



IDEAS TO MAKE YOUR PIECE STRONGER:

I don't really have any suggested changes. I would like to be more helpful, but you just did a great job. I couldn't improve on it, beyond the things I wondered about, above. Well done!




CONCLUSION:
You have a great writing style and I easily got drawn back into the story. Well done!

Thank you for sharing your time and writing with the Writing.Com community!

May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance!
PWheeler








Positive Hearts
A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" 


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .