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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4735948
Review #4735948
Viewing a review of:
 Whirring Open in new Window. [13+]
Sitting at my desk at work looking around wishing the day would end....
by Isedora Klopper Author Icon
Review of Whirring  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I enjoyed this rambling examination of the desultory reality of the workaday world. When I saw your item in the Read a Newbie sidebar, I assumed it was a story and thought perhaps it was a thriller type of thing (ie, did the day suddenly twist and end in a totally unexpected way?)

Contrary to my expectations, it’s a free verse poem dealing with feelings of boredom, burnout and lack of motivation. The narrator feels as though they are just a cog in the wheel of the uncaring and money-grubbing business empire that they are slaving to build without proper recompense or credit. I know that feeling of having too much time on my hands at a dull and un-engaging job, allowing my mind to wander sourly as the little noises and idiosyncrasies of others get on my nerves. Perhaps it’s time to strike out on one’s own and become an entrepreneur, building an independent lifestyle free from the trappings of working for someone else.

Your free verse flows well and is engaging to work our way through, though I would suggest using size 4 Verdana font to ensure readability across devices on this site. You strike a pleasant balance between long lines and shorter ones, and since it’s not a structured poem and most likely a rather personal one, I’m not going to make any suggestions as to syllables or word choice. A line count would be a good idea in case you want to enter any contests.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4735948