%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4735668 |
 | Orbit One  [E] A short story set in space. Feedback appreciated.  |
| (4.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: I didn’t think I would find a story set in space so emotional, but I was wrong. You set the scene very well here, and despite the story being short, I felt I knew the characters, especially John, the main character, quite well by the end. He was the hero here, the one who sacrificed his life to save the others. The plot was introduced slowly and at first, with the descriptions of seeing Earth from space, and memories of his family, I expected this to be a tale of a happy return after a long mission or something along those lines. But then you talked about food, water and oxygen running low and it became clear this wasn’t going to be one of those stories. I can’t comment on the science in this story, I have no idea if the fix in the end would work or not so I’ll take your word for it. It certainly got quite dramatic in the second half of the story when the readers started to understand what was going to happen, and the last paragraph was nicely done.  Suggestions: I noticed a few minor errors towards the end: this is Captain Lacy Dupree You called her “Lacey” in the rest of the story so I think this was just a typo. Take them home, Lacey. And with that thought, As John was thinking that sentence, I would suggest putting it in italics to make it clear to the readers you hadn’t forgotten the speech marks. John gripped the rail tight, now using both hands and thought of his wife and daughter back home. You need a comma after “hands”. I would suggest picking a few genres instead of “Other” to tell the readers what kind of tale this is before they click on it. It means they can make a more informed decision about what they want to click on, and they can also filter the stories posted here by genres they are interested in so you might get more readers.  Final Thoughts: This kind of tale is not my usual read - I tend to shy away from stories that might become overly technical or involve a lot of science I don’t understand, but you actually did a good job here explaining to the readers what the issue was and how they were going to resolve it without resorting to sci-fi language, and I appreciated that. I thought this was a good story and I enjoyed the read.    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You have not yet responded to this review.