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 Review #4734956 |
 | Candy Apple Red Corvette  [13+] Returning after a long absence, Caroline tries to intergrate herself with old friends.  |
| (4.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: I’m guessing this is the start of a longer story because it ended rather abruptly and without reaching much of a conclusion. I liked it as a beginning. There was much that remained unexplained, not least the title of the story. Other than the main character driving the car in the first paragraph, it doesn’t get a mention, so I assume it becomes more important later on. But you created an intriguing character and I would like to read more about Caroline. She wasn’t always who she was today - there are hints at her drinking which may have affected her past relationships, and a reference to her changing personality. Richard is intriguing as well. He seems quite shallow and he obviously isn’t a particularly nice guy - anyone who told me that I ‘got fat’ wouldn’t get a second date with me, let alone a phone call years later to get back together  So at this point, I’m guessing that Caroline’s intentions towards him aren’t entirely friendly, but that’s just judging by the short exchange between them, and the last line.  Suggestions: I noticed a number of small errors, typos and missing question marks mainly, but since the story is quite old, I’m not sure if you are still interested in editing them. However, if you are planning to finish this tale, I’ll point out a few of them: and exdpected to get an answering machine expected an old familar laugh familiar Carroline, where are you calling from. Caroline. And as this is a question, you need a question mark at the end instead of the period. Isn't that a little pricey for a teacher. Again, this is a question so needs to end with a question mark. My sitaution is different situation It was too much loss of him to contiue I wasn’t sure what you meant here. Too much of a loss for him to continue, maybe? Is it still open. Does my girlfriend from high school still own it with her husband. Both sentences are questions so you need question marks here. in the red eveing gown Evening make the eveing's first image evening’s come an pick you up dear ‘and’ instead of ‘an’. And you need a comma after ‘up’ to set off the direct address. I also noticed some repetitive words that were quite noticeable: ‘bay’ and ‘apartment’ in the third paragraph, and ‘relaxing/relaxed’ a bit further on.  Final Thoughts: Those are all small errors though and didn’t really detract from the story. I think you should continue it because it sounds like you had a good idea here and it would be interesting to learn more about these characters and their journey.    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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