%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4734257 |
 HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"    First Impressions: This story had a very interesting tone. You told it with hindsight and the knowledge of an adult, but were able to describe the scene as you would have seen it as a child, which instantly transports any reader who has ever experienced anything similar right back to that time and place. I don’t necessarily mean the tension between your parents and your father’s infidelity but the excitement of going on this unusual trip on a special day, and the way you, as a child, felt about it. The story is short but the reader still gets the feeling that they got to know the narrator quite well.  Suggestions: You might not like my first suggestion because it is clear that you are trying very hard to stick to the truth as you remember it here, but I’m going to mention it anyway. Despite you not remembering everything about the event, there were some nice descriptions that brought the tale to life, but I would have liked to read more of them. You might not recall what the display looked like or if there was a smell of hotdogs in the air that made you hungry, or something like that, but generally, it’s quite a good idea to weave little details like this into a story to make the readers engage with the characters more. If there was anything like that you could add, either remembered or inferred as something that is true of all events like this, it would help readers to relate to the story more. There were a couple of occasions where you capitalised a word that shouldn’t be. I’m not sure if those words were important or if you capitalised them for a specific reason, but if not, I would edit them: when I was Young and going out to some Park on Route 8  Final Thoughts: Don’t get me wrong, I liked the story, a lot, and I will probably be back to read more in this folder of old memories. The first couple of paragraphs in italics had me hooked, especially the way you described the memories: they blink in my mind like the fireflies of those early nights. That’s one of those lines I wish I had written. The ending wasn’t a surprise to the readers but must have been a shock for you back then, and I’m curious to find out if you will talk more about that in your other stories.    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You responded to this review 02/28/2024 @ 7:52pm EST