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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4733894
Review #4733894
Viewing a review of:
 The Dream that Changed Everything   [E]
The Dream that Changed Everything
by JCosmos
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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The WDC Angel Army  (ASR)
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#1188309 by iKïyå§amaCabre


Hallo!
This one showed up on 'Read and Review'.

The title works. You've repeated the title for the brief description, maybe you'd like to change the brief description ... ?

I enjoyed the poem about a true love story. The layout and the way the lines break are especially innovative. I also like how you give the prompt at the end of the poem, so we have context.

Suggestions:
1. I had to think a few seconds before I remembered that 'ESL' stands for English as a second language. Maybe you'd like to just say 'English' ... ?
2. Somehow for me 'meeting fate' could be interpreted either in a happy way or in a sinister way! But I guess that's just me personally. Thought I'd let you know.

Thanks for sharing this poem!
Write On!
- Sonali



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