Hallo Satish,
I visited your portfolio because your WDC anniversary is coming up. The title and brief description intrigued me so I clicked.
I like the beginning, with the rays of the sun bringing hope. You kept the suspense throughout and the dialogue when their mates arrive brought a smile to my face.
Suggestions:
1. WritingML - font, size, line space.
2. Check for punctuation, especially with dialogue.
3. Check for repeated words and phrases.
4. Check for 'telling' v/s 'showing'.
I see this is a contest entry from some years ago.
If you're planning to work on it, I'll be happy to send you more details or examples of what I mean by the above if you like!
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