Hello Steven Gepp!

Thanks again for the beta reader opportunity on this urban dragon novel of yours. I just finished reading these two chapters, so I'm here to do your review. I hope you enjoy it and find it encouraging and uplifting.


INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:
I enjoyed these chapters and am looking forward to the next one. Well done!

You kept me riveted and I read straight through to the end. Well done!



MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:

At the beginning of chapter two, I thought you did a great job of conveying how hard it'd be to go back to the gym solo after your long term workout partner had passed on.

I also thought you did a great job on the speech section. It felt authentic.


You left some nice hints about dragonish things and then the big hint at the end of chapter three. Together they build up anticipation. I'm looking forward to finding out when he discovers their existence and what the mysterious lady means to him and what she meant to Mark.

In this sentence: "We’re here because Mark was our friend and because we can’t believe that some-one as young as him could be taken like this," I wondered if some-one was an Australian thing? Or if that was a typo? In the US, it'd be someone, but I'm not well versed in Australian particulars.


I didn't notice any spelling mistakes in your two chapters. Well done!


Your story chapters were interesting to me, and made me want to read your next one. Well done!



IDEAS TO MAKE YOUR PIECE STRONGER:
Like with the last review, I'll just mention the little weird or nit picky things that made me stop reading.

This sentence feels awkward. "I smiled and nodded, the look I had which Donna had told me in the pub the previous night after the funeral seemed to tell everyone that I felt their pain and empathised." Maybe a period after nodded and then something to transition... like you must have had that same look maybe?

Only one! Super


CONCLUSION:
You have a great writing style and I easily got drawn into the story. Well done!

Thank you for sharing your time and writing with the Writing.Com community!

May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance!
PWheeler



*** WDC Angel Army Review ***



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .