Hello Steven Gepp!

Thank you for letting me be one of your pre-readers. I forgot your exact original questions, but hopefully I'll have answered them with this review, which is mainly my general thoughts and feelings after having read the first chapter.


INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:
I enjoyed your chapter and am interested in reading further. Well done!

You kept me riveted and I read the whole thing, every word. Well done!



MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:

You drew me in and kept me involved with the emotions and mystery of the story. I am one who can easily want to start skipping ahead or skimming, and that didn't happen here because your writing and story kept my interest very well. Well done!


The whole thing was cohesive and made sense, even with the mysterious hints dropped (which, based on the title, I expect will eventually involve at least one dragon. ). Well done!

I loved the way you described the feathers because it felt like a natural thought, given the situation. Well done!


I am looking forward to the next chapter. Well done!


I didn't notice any spelling in your story's chapter. Well done!


Your story was interesting to me, engaged my emotions, and made me interested in the next chapter. Well done!



IDEAS TO MAKE YOUR PIECE STRONGER:
I know you wanted an overall review, but if I see nit picky things, I figure I'll point them out if they're distracting enough to stop my reading.

It turned out that there were only two. This is great, actually. There are sometimes more errors, typos and things in New York Times Best Sellers that stop me from reading and / or stand out more than this.

This sentence just needs a period at the end:
" At that point in time I would say maybe, but that was more to stop me from blaming myself, his training partner"

I think in the following sentence, you mean "do" instead of "so." "My ten minute speech was actually met with applause, even though to this day I so not remember saying anything." Unless that's an Australian way to say something? I'm definitely not the best for Australian vs American English so if that's the case, my apologies.



CONCLUSION:
You have a great writing style and story telling talent. Well done!

Thank you for sharing your time and writing with me and those member of our Writing.Com community that volunteered as beta readers!

May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance!
PWheeler



*** WDC Angel Army Review ***







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .