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Review #4733203
Viewing a review of:
 A Beggar  [13+]
Its about humanity.
by Sam
Review of A Beggar  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
An Angel Army Review


Hi Sam .

I'm Polter-JACE: Cruising ... , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "A Beggar" .

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. I think the story you tell is one about human nature, and ultimately finding that this human nature is good ... at least in this case. It makes a great learning story for others who feel a homeless person cannot be a productive member of society. They obviously can.

But I have to say that I had a very hard time reading your story. Many of the basic rules for writing were neglected in your offering. Some of the issues included: noun and verb tense incompatibility (we are came), run-on sentences that made little sense as written, and incorrect word usage (using by instead of buy).

Unfortunately, I know very little of your background as an author as you haven't taken the opportunity to fill out your BioBlock and Biography tab. Perhaps English is not your primary language. Such information may provide extenuating circumstances for this piece.

May I suggest you read your item out loud. I believe you'll hear problems with your written piece, allowing you to better edit it.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* On a personal note, consider breaking up your story into smaller paragraphs. If you desire to have folks read your stories, you have to encourage them by making it easier to read.    

*Star* My Rating.  2.0.  I believe your offering as written needs serious editing to be average or better.

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

Non-Animated Angel Army Signature



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