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Review #4733040
Viewing a review of:
 HER  [E]
A clip of one of my stories.
by PJ Mack
Review of HER  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
An Angel Army Review


Hi PJ Mack .

I'm Polter-JACE: Cruising ... , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "HER" .

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. First, I notice that you haven't been online here since 2020; I hope all is well and you come back to catch up. I will leave this review for your eventual return.

I've always found stories of one's youth and growing up to be especially telling. I'm in the midst of writing such tales myself. While I enjoyed reading yours, I felt you cut it short before a fulfilling finish. It stopped too soon despite your disclaimer at the end about writing more. It was incomplete, and rather dissatisfying for your reader.

Your descriptions of the move to a new school and seeing a pretty girl that had such a profound impact on you touched me. I had a similar situation moving to a new school in the third grade. I wanted more from you, if only to make my experience complete.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* One inconsistency: You stated moving from one town 20 miles away to the new one. When you moved back with your father at the original town, it was 30 miles away.    

*Star* My Rating.  3.5.  You have an above average start, which needs a little more to be great.

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

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