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 Review #4727523 |
 | Road Bully  [E] How I fought a Road Bully  |
| (4.0)| An Angel Army Review Hi Grace Anne . Hello. I found your offering in the Read & Review section.I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Road Bully" . I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.  Overall Impression. I enjoyed your story. I wonder if it's just fiction or is true. (Actually, I see you marked it 'fiction.') I found it interesting that you used Comedy as one of your genres, and well as in the header. I wouldn't classify this tale as a comedy. I noted a couple lines that though was awkward to read. It ran on far too long, and should have been two separate sentences. For example: The last one looked like an advertisement for a brand of cigarette, unfortunately he only posed, didn’t get a job and lived off her, much to her chagrin. The last one looked like an advertisement for a brand of cigarette. Unfortunately, much to her chagrin, he only posed, living off her jobless. Another line: After several minutes I managed to get him near his bike, which looked like a dog taking a drink from the ditch, and tied him to the wheel which a handcuff which was amazingly available with a lot of other curious stuff in his saddlebag. Read this out loud and you'll know what changes should be made.  Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc. You have some paragraphs double-spaced, and others are not. Be consistent with your spacing. A wordsmith moment. Fainting is not the term used for head trauma. He fainted. He passed out. My Rating. 4.0.  Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.Reviewed by JACE   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 01/20/2024 @ 7:51pm EST