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Review #4727055
Viewing a review of:
 The Fourth  [E]
Flash Fiction
by Jacky
Review of The Fourth  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
An Angel Army Review


Hi Jacky . Good morning. I found this piece on the Read & Review section.

I'm Polter-JACE: Cruising ... , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "The Fourth" .

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. The art of flash fiction--creating an entire story with very few words. I believe you've done just that with this piece.

Your dialogue is well written, and punctuated correctly. The level of the your dialogue is just right for a mother explaining something to a child.

In a piece that places a premium on word count, consider whether some phrasing may not be needed. For example: ... and soon a head peeked out the doorway of the closet. This sentence would still be correct and actually tighter written as such: and soon a head peeked out of the closet.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* Not a correct attribute, in my opinion:  “OK… I’ll come out,” and she did.   “OK… I’ll come out.” And she did.

         *Bullet*  I suggest you limit the use of 'and.' It was also used in the previous sentence.  And she never missed the fireworks again, and she lived to be a hundred and six.   And she never missed the fireworks again. She lived to be a hundred and six.

*Star* My Rating.  4.5. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

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