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Review #4726744
Viewing a review of:
 the dinner seating chart   [13+]
the dinner seating chart for writers's cramp
by JCosmos
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
An Angel Army Review


Hi JCosmos . Good morning. I found your offering in the Read & Review section.

I'm Polter-JACE: Cruising ... , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "the dinner seating chart " .

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. Actually, I really enjoyed reading your story. It had an interesting premise.

I thought your story dragged on a bit when reading about all the tables and guest lists. I recognize there are many folks from our past who could be included in such a party. But after six or seven tables of guests, I wondered, "How many more...?"

I think you need to explain Jake Lee's credentials earlier in your piece. I mean, why choose him to help; he was not famous.

Your ending was both humorous and spot on. I could actually hear Trump saying those very words.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet*  Watch for punctuation issues:   He turned to St Peter his capable XO to arrange the dinner.  He turned to St Peter, his capable XO, to arrange the dinner.

         *Bullet*  As a reader, I was distracted by the double-spaced lines. It seemed a chore to scroll through so much just to read, especially the table seating.    

*Star* My Rating.  3.5.  You have an above average piece that needs attention to be great.

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 01/16/2024 @ 6:02pm EST
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4726744