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Review #4726637
Viewing a review of:
 Proof  [E]
Flash Fiction - September 30, 2020 W/C 294
by QueenNormaJean Let's Go!Go!Go!
Review of Proof  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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An Angel Army Review


Hi QueenNormaJean Let's Go!Go!Go! . Hello. I round your offering on the Read & Review section.

I'm Polter-JACE: Cruising ... , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Proof" .

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. I’m one who certainly appreciates a good flash fiction story. I love that such a short tale can have the requisite beginning, middle and ending it needs to complete a story. I feel yours contains those three aspects.

However, I noted a number of sentence fragments in your tale. Just because a story is short, doesn’t provide license to give up on proper sentences. For example: A hopeless cause. and Like looking for a needle in a haystack. If you need to reduce some words to fit a word count limit, find an alternative. As a reader, I find sentence fragments disconcerting.

Alternatively, the same may be said about run-on sentences, the following which as written, was confusing. Example: It jumped over George, he dropped the specimen, I screamed, the lion’s prey ran off down the trail with that huge mountain lion in pursuit. Is George the lion’s prey?

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet*  Your final sentence should be either:   I rolled my eyes, held my tongue, and tried not to laugh.   Or: I rolled my eyes, and held my tongue. I tried not to laugh.

*Star* My Rating.  4.0. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

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