\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4725393
Review #4725393
Viewing a review of:
 First Snow Open in new Window. [E]
A cascade poem about first snow. . .
by Weirdone-Back in the games Author Icon
Review of First Snow  Open in new Window.
Review by Kit Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with I Write  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Weirdone-Back in the games Author Icon,

I am writing this review as part of "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window. [13+]. *Smile*

Overall Impression:

I love the feel of this poem. It's about the transition from summer to winter - a longing for what was, yet a renewal, and a joy, when the world turns into a winter wonderland. I have experienced those feelings. I, too, feel refreshed by the snow. At least at first. Yes, that first snow is magical.

You do a good job with the imagery. The green that turns to brown and dead, contrasted with that fresh white. I especially loved the line about the birds - I do miss those who migrate away. I think that many people will be able to relate to this.

On top of that, you've used a nice form. I wasn't familiar with it, but I see that it requires repeated lines, and you did so very well. None of the lines felt forced.

The poem has a pleasant rhythm and flow. All in all, it makes for an enjoyable read. Well done!

Suggestions:

I do have a couple of suggestions, dear author. I hope that you'll find them helpful!.

*Snow2* Many poets play around with punctuation in their work, and this can be very effective. I have to confess, though, that some of the punctuation in this poem confused me a little, and that tripped me up on first read. For example, I am not sure why there's a period at the end of the first line in Stanza 1, as it's not the end of the sentence. I'd expect a comma or semicolon in its place. Nor am I certain why the first line of Stanza 3 does not end in a period, because that is the sentence's end. It may be worth another look.

*Snow2* In line with this, I suggest allowing the capitalisation at the beginning of each line to depend upon the individual sentences within the piece. That would perfect the overall clarity and reading experience.

My Rating:

This is a lovely poem that was a joy to read. I am happy that you posted before me in the challenge, so that I got to review your work.

I did have a couple of suggestions. Nothing major, but the punctuation did trip me up. Therefore, I will give this item a rating of 4.5 out of 5.

Thank you for sharing your work. *Smile*

Write on!

Kit

Reviewing sig featuring a Chat and a Sock.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 01/07/2024 @ 6:16pm EST
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4725393