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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4723592
Review #4723592
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Review of Lost in My Mind  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*
Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


Happy Account Anniversary Stormy Lady ,,

I’m on a review raid of your portfolio, acknowledging your 23 years at WDC. "Silently Vanishing" is a somber exploration of despair and the quiet unraveling of emotions. You encapsulate it in a concise yet powerful structure. The opening lines set a melancholic tone, introduce a series of dark images and emotions, ans this piece unfolds in a rhythmic cadence,. I find it mirrors the relentless march of despair.

Stylistically, your poem uses a minimalistic approach, with short and impactful phrases, which convey the depth of emotional turmoil. The repetition of harsh consonant sounds in "Darkened state," "Tortured souls," and "Unpaid tolls" contributes to the grave imagery, emphasizing the gravity of the emotional toll. The use of enjambment, such as in "Emotions rushed / Painful devotions," creates a sense of urgency. It propels a reader through a turbulent, emotional landscape.

Thematically, this offering teeters into the darkness of tortured souls, exploring themes of doomed faith, unrequited love, and contemplation of self-harm. The progression from emotions rushing to suicide notions unfolds as a sorrowful narrative, depicting the downward spiral of despair. The repeated motif of vanishing silently adds a layer of quiet desperation, highlighting the internal nature of this struggle.

Poetic devices, such as alliteration, in "Blood splashing" and "Silently Vanishing," intensify the sensory impact. It lends to the vivid and visceral images. The use of stark contrasts, such as "Nights gloom" and "Empty room," contributes to the portrayal of emotional emptiness and isolation. Also, the enigmatic nature of "Unpaid tolls" invites one’s own interpretation, serving as a metaphor for unresolved emotional debts.

If you are ever in rewrite…suggestions for further exploration could involve providing additional context or details to enrich the emotional narrative. Describing specific moments or experiences that contribute to the tortured souls and doomed faith could enhance the reader's connection to this piece. I understand as a writer about grappling with topics that trigger emotions. It sort of blinds, making it difficult to get close, find objectivity. Difficult to give further life to visions/memories from the past. With time, distance, and hopeful closure. That’s why I take up the pen.

And one other note: experimenting with line breaks or variations in stanza length could add a dynamic element to the form of your poem, echoing the tumultuous nature of the emotions expressed.

I hope this review finds you well and you are back with us again. I’ll be sure to keep checking the Poetry Newsletter Contest.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army
and Anniversary Reviewer
November, 2023 Reviewer of month award.

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
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