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Review #4723269
Viewing a review of:
Haiku #65  [E]
Winner of Oriental Poetry Contest Round 80
by Vanishing Vapor
Review of Haiku #65  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello Vanishing Vapor ,

"Haiku #65" offers a vivid snapshot of nature, capturing the essence of anticipation and celebration among birds before the impending blizzard. I delve into the haiku's style, theme, and form to unravel its nuances, while exploring the underlying message.

The haiku adheres to the traditional 5-7-5 syllable structure, presenting a concise yet evocative scene. The brevity of the Japanese form often necessitates precision in language, and your poem achieves this succinctly. Each line contributes to the overall atmosphere, creating a visual and emotional impact.

The opening line, "birds sing in sunshine," sets a harmonious and uplifting tone. The juxtaposition of "birds" and "sunshine" creates an image of vitality and joy. The act of singing becomes a metaphor for the birds' expression of life and happiness. This line introduces a sense of immediacy, drawing readers into the moment of the birds' celebration.

The second line, "blithely before blizzard ice," introduces an impending contrast to the initial joy. The use of "blithely" conveys a carefree spirit, emphasizing the stark shift in weather that follows. The choice of "blizzard ice" conjures an image of harsh conditions, foreshadowing the challenges ahead. This line serves as a pivotal moment in the haiku, introducing a layer of tension and anticipation.

The concluding line, "quiets those taken," brings closure to the haiku with a poignant reflection on the transience of life. The word "quiets" carries a dual meaning, alluding to both the hush of the impending blizzard and the silence that follows the birds' celebration. The phrase "those taken" suggests a somber acknowledgment of the inevitable impact of nature's forces.

The thematic exploration of life's fleeting moments and the contrast between celebration and silence resonates deeply with me. The haiku prompts introspection about the cyclical nature of existence and the transient beauty found in simple, spontaneous joys. The use of alliteration and assonance punctuates reader response to the conveyance, especially in that second line.

You might consider refining the opening line for a more nuanced introduction. For example, "birds' songs echo" or "birds' melodies" could enhance the auditory aspect of their celebration, providing a more immersive experience for readers. It would tie nicely with the brief musicality employed by the mentioned poetic devices..

The obscurely titled "Haiku #65" effectively captures a delicate balance between joy and impending challenges. Its thematic depth and adherence to the haiku form contribute to a poignant reflection on the cycles of nature and life. A pleasure to have read and considered for this feedback.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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