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 Review #4723169 |
 | Mortality  [E] Progression continues  |
| (4.5)| Hello green is happy ,"Mortality" is a deep reflection on the inevitability of aging and realization of one's mortality. This focuses on the speaker's introspection, grappling with the gradual changes in their body and the acceptance of mortality. The style, theme, and form contribute to emotional depth and contemplative atmosphere. The style is characterized by a straightforward and contemplative language. The speaker engages in a self-reflective monologue, openly expressing thoughts and concerns about the aging process and mortality. The tone allows this reader to empathize with the journey of self-awareness. For example, the lines "My immortality was always assumed," convey the initial assumption of eternal life, setting the stage for the subsequent reflections on aging. The theme of mortality is central, exploring the speaker's evolving perception of their own life span. The theme is universal, resonating with readers who may also grapple with the passage of time and the changes it brings. You have navigated the tension between the speaker's initial assumption of immortality and the gradual acknowledgment of the body's aging process. This thematic exploration invites one to confront their own mortality and contemplate the essence of life. The form of the poem is characterized by its concise structure, with each stanza presenting a distinct aspect of the speaker's reflections. The brevity of the lines mirrors the brevity of life, contributing to the overall contemplative tone. The use of enjambment between certain lines enhances the flow of thought, creating a seamless transition from one reflection to the next. The employed form aligns with its theme, offering a concise yet impactful exploration of mortality. Poetic devices, such as metaphor and vivid imagery, elevate the emotional resonance of this piece. The metaphorical language, such as referring to the speaker's body as "machinery" and the heart wearing out with "each thumping beat," adds depth to the portrayal of aging. Additionally, the use of sensory details, like the "petite raspy sounds in my lungs," creates a vivid depiction of the speaker's physical embodiment of experiences, enhancing the reader's connection to the introspective journey. Suggestions for improvement: 1. You could consider experimenting with the arrangement of stanzas or varying the line length to add a dynamic element to the poem. While the current structure effectively captures the contemplative tone, occasional variations in form could enhance the overall aesthetic appeal. 2. Explore the possibility of incorporating metaphorical language or symbolic imagery to further enrich the thematic exploration of mortality. Metaphors can provide readers with nuanced perspectives, fostering a deeper understanding of the emotional journey. 3. You might be able to expand on specific experiences or memories that contribute to the this contemplation of mortality. Providing more concrete details could enhance the hopeful engagement and offer a more immersive experience. Congratulations on the Shadows’ recognition. You poem offers a sincere and introspective exploration of the speaker's evolving awareness of aging and mortality. The contemplative style, thematic depth, and effective use of poetic devices make it a poignant reflection on the human condition. I’m happy to have the opportunity to react to this writing effort. Sincerely, Brian WDC Super Power Reviewer   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 01/11/2024 @ 3:07pm EST