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Review #4722974
Viewing a review of:
 My daughter Open in new Window. [E]
About mistakes with your first child
by Riley Author Icon
Review of My daughter  Open in new Window.
Review by JACE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
A WDC Power Review


Hi Riley Author Icon.

I'm JACE Author Icon, and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "My daughter" Open in new Window..

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. I found your offering both sad and insightful. The latter was not exactly the word I was looking for, yet you seemed as if you tried to discern the reasons for the difficulties with your daughter. It appears to me that your troubles have existed through most of her life--14 to 41.

I feel sad that such animosity even exists, and that it seems as if overcoming the problem is not going to happen. Perhaps one day hope will appear and circumstances will improve.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* Your item description states "first child" indicating there are other children. Are there others? If not, I suggest removing the word first.    

         *Bullet* You list your offering as poetry. I don't see this as poetry as written. Even free form has a different feel than your offering.    

         *Bullet* The format begins with a paragraph, and then morphs into individual lines. As a reader I found this disconcerting to read. May I suggest calling your item prose and complete the formatting with paragraphs?    

*Star* My Rating.  4.0.  An above average piece that need a little better formatting.

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

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