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Review #4720945
Viewing a review of:
 A New City Life   [E]
A search for a long held dream
by Angel
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello Angela,

As I immersed myself in these evocative verses, a poignant narrative unfolded, tracing the journey of a soul in the cold embrace of a new city life. The opening lines beautifully set the atmospheric tone, describing the lingering chill as remnants of winter, mirroring the emotional landscape awaiting exploration.

Your concise yet powerful imagery captured the essence of the protagonist's emotional state. The eyes shining in delight at the new adventure juxtaposed against the city's eventual swallowing of her fragile form painted a vivid contrast, symbolizing the transformative nature of urban life. This duality between anticipation and disillusionment laid the thematic groundwork for the unfolding narrative.

The city, personified as an entity that both welcomes and extracts, served as a compelling metaphor. The extraction of new ideas, coupled with the sense of being lost and unborn, conveyed a palpable struggle between the allure of possibilities and the harsh realities of navigating an unfamiliar terrain. The use of stark language, such as "lost, unborn," heightened the emotional impact, leaving a lingering resonance.

Your poem adeptly employs a shift in perspective, emphasizing the protagonist's disillusionment. The lines "As if no knowledge exists. / All completely stripped bare." convey a profound sense of vulnerability and disillusionment. The repetition of "bare" emphasizes the profound stripping away of familiarity, leaving the protagonist adrift in a sea of uncertainty.

The exploration of light, particularly through the imagery of street lights, adds another layer to the poem. The once bright lights that shone into broken eyes, reflecting a passion, now reveal a stark truth – the stories were lies. This shift in perception, from the hopeful illumination of passion to the revelation of falsehood, contributes to the poem's thematic depth.

For suggestions, consider expanding on the internal struggle of the protagonist. Delve into her thoughts and emotions, allowing readers to connect more deeply/directly with her journey. Additionally, experiment with varying the rhythm or rhyme scheme to enhance the poem's musicality, mirroring the ebb and flow of the protagonist's experiences. It’s a bit tight and locked into some short lines/expressions.

I found your poem as a long ago entry in the seldom utilized Monthly Poem contest. It’s unfortunate more members don’t subscribe. I think it’s the redacting rules that discourage entries. I had considered it once upon a time myself. Either way, a pleasure to have stumbled in to discover your offering.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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