*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4718694
Review #4718694
Viewing a review of:
 
body  [E]
written by your body
by Wisteria
Review of body  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello Wisteria ,

Upon reading your poem, I discovered a contemplative piece that delves into a theme of inner conflict, possibly between one's positive and negative components or emotions. The poem utilizes a concise style with a rhyming scheme, and it presents a distinct message that resonated with this poet.

I noticed the poem employs a concise and straightforward style, using rhyming quatrains to convey message. The simplicity works well in delivering theme and allows for a clear and direct communication of the poet's thoughts. As with theme, the inner conflict and duality is prominently present. It seems to depict a dialogue or an introspective conversation between two contrasting aspects of oneself. One side represents negativity, while the other emphasizes one’s own strength and resilience.

The poem follows a consistent rhyme scheme (ABAB) throughout, which provides a rhythmic quality and contributes to readability. The form enhances the structure and overall cohesiveness of the poem. It employs metaphors and personification with the contrasting aspects of self. For instance, "I'll walk you to the sweet hereafter, let your spirit roam free" personifies one aspect of self guiding the other towards a better place. The use of "My warmth wraps you in hair-spun grace" is a metaphor for comfort and positivity.

The poem could benefit from more vivid and evocative imagery to enhance its emotional impact. While it effectively conveys its message, incorporating more vivid descriptions could make the reader's experience even more connective.

Other Suggestions:

Expand on Imagery
Consider more vivid and unique imagery to create a stronger emotional impact. For instance, describing the contrasting aspects of the self using tangible and relatable metaphors or symbols can help the reader connect more deeply.

Clarity in Pronouns
In the line, "When will you see you're not me?" it may be helpful to specify which "you" and "me" the poet is referring to for absolute clarity. This could avoid any potential confusion in interpretation. Never want to snag a reader to back up.

The ending of the poem is strong and reaffirms theme. However, consider a closing line that encapsulates message and leaves a lasting impression. Summation works, or repeated words/phrases of impact. Sometimes, this is where my title comes into play.

All in all, the poem effectively explores inner conflict and duality through a concise style and consistent rhyme scheme. Enhancing imagery and ensuring clarity could further strengthen reader impact. this is the type of poem I would sometimes write. It can feel there are two voices in our head, sorting out which to believe, is our own, or how to yield. Sometimes, it’s an ongoing conflict for those who have to purge and sort out life by writing. The kind that keeps you up until three.

I was pleased to have found this on the read and review link on the left side of the page, where extra rewards are found.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army
Non-Animated Angel Army Signature


Newbie Review

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 11/09/2023 @ 7:49am EST
Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4718694