Dear Louis Williams ,

Noticed Joey drips of mold & Blood support your item’s post in newsfeed and wanted to swing by and give it a look-see. Intrigued before I started to read.

First, I'd like to acknowledge the emotional depth and tension in the opening paragraphs of "Pawn Shop Deal." The theme of a parent's sacrifice for their child is palpable, and the story elements are set up effectively. The conflict and resolution aspects, however, can be improved. I can see why you described it as ‘harsh’.

**Theme and Execution:
The theme of parental sacrifice for a child is clearly central to the story. Sandra and Prince are willing to make a significant sacrifice, losing fingers, to provide for their son Danny's birthday. This theme is well-established and emotionally engaging, making readers empathize with their situation. The execution of the theme is strong, particularly in the emotional impact of the sacrifice. However, the story might benefit from more reflection on the consequences of their actions and the broader lessons learned.

**Conflict and Resolution:
The conflict revolves around the couple's decision to visit the pawn shop and make a gruesome sacrifice for their child. The resolution, while impactful, leaves questions about the consequences and lessons learned. Did their sacrifice improve their child's life? How does it affect their family dynamics? Exploring these elements would add depth to the resolution. For instance, including a scene where they give Danny the gift and witnessing his reaction would provide a satisfying conclusion for the reader.

**Character Lessons:
While the story primarily focuses on the sacrifice made by Sandra and Prince for their child, it's also worth considering lessons or character development for them. Perhaps they could reflect on their actions and how it has changed their relationship, their values, or their perception of the world. This reflection could add layers to the characters and provide a more profound impact on the reader.

Suggestions for Improvement:
1. Consider expanding the story to include a scene where they give the gift to Danny and observe his reaction. This can provide a more well-rounded resolution to the sacrifice made.

2. Explore the consequences of their actions on Sandra and Prince. How does it affect their relationship, values, and perception of the world?

3. Delve deeper into the emotional turmoil and inner conflict experienced by the characters, which can help readers connect with them on a deeper level.

4. While the sacrifice is powerful, you could also show the love and joy within the family, emphasizing the positive aspects alongside the hardships.

By addressing these aspects, you can make the story even more compelling and thought-provoking.

Thanks to Joey for propping this one up in newsfeed. Stories like these are important. It gives us a chance to truly consider subjects rather than be entertained. Provoke those minds that usually stare at their cells during movies.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .