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Review #4716377
Viewing a review of:
City Singing  [E]
A strange poem that happened on the way to school, walking through the sounds of the city.
by Mikibits
Review of City Singing  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Dear Miki,

First of all, let me say that your poem "City Singing" is a delightful and sensory-rich journey through a bustling urban landscape. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and here are my thoughts and feedback on what strikes me, what works well, and areas to consider:

What Strikes a Reader: Vivid Imagery: Your poem is filled with vivid, sensory imagery that brings the city to life. Readers can truly feel the hustle and bustle of the urban environment, from the "gritty city sidewalks" to the "whoosh-whoosh-whoosh" of passing vehicles.

Rhythmic Flow: Your poem has a wonderful rhythmic flow, mirroring the pace and movement of the city itself. It's evident in the onomatopoeic words and the repetition of sounds like "tick-ticking," "tap-tap-tap," and "whoosh-whoosh-whoosh."

Juxtaposition of Moments: You skillfully weave together various moments and sounds, creating a beautiful tapestry of city life. From the "homeless man murmuring a nursery rhyme" to the "ukulele chords" in a passing cafe, each moment adds a layer of depth and intrigue to the poem.

What Works Well: The Sensory Experience: The poem successfully immerses the reader in the sensory experience of the city. You've captured not only the visual elements but also the auditory sensations and even the tactile feel of the environment.

Concluding Twist: The final stanza is a pleasant twist that brings a smile. It adds a sense of personal connection to the city's symphony, and it's a lighthearted and unexpected ending that works well.

Use of Repetition: The repetition of sounds and words throughout the poem is effective in creating a sense of rhythm and emphasizing the theme of the city's "song."

Areas for Consideration:
Tighten Structure: Some lines and stanzas are longer and denser than others, which can affect the overall flow and consistency. Consider fine-tuning the structure to maintain a more consistent rhythm.

Punctuation and Capitalization:
There are moments when you've chosen to use unconventional punctuation and capitalization, such as "click-click-clicking" and "ditty persisting insistence." While this can work to convey the frenetic pace of the city, be mindful that it doesn't become too distracting or obscure the meaning.

Regarding Your Projects and Academics:
It's fantastic to hear about your academic background and your involvement in both film and literary projects. Your ability to craft vivid scenes and evoke emotions in "City Singing" is a testament to your talent. I encourage you to continue exploring your creativity, whether it's through novels, screenplays, or poetry. The ability to create such an immersive urban experience in a poem reflects a strong narrative sensibility that can certainly be an asset in other forms of storytelling.

In your future work, don't be afraid to experiment with style and form, as you've done here. The unique structure and perspective in "City Singing" make it an engaging read. Keep pushing the boundaries and honing your craft.

Overall, Miki, your poem captures the essence of a bustling city with remarkable clarity. The sensory richness and unique perspective make it a memorable piece.

Sincerely,
Brian
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