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Review #4716374
Viewing a review of:
 a life  [GC]
haiku concerning a friend
by david seed
Review of a life  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: GC | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi David,

I've had the chance to read your haiku, "a life," and appreciate the opportunity to share my reaction and feedback with you.

Your haiku presents a concise and reflective observation on life, encapsulating the essence of existence in just a few words. The style is minimalistic, adhering to the traditional 5-7-5 syllable structure commonly associated with haiku. This simplicity allows the reader to focus on the theme and message of the poem.

The haiku strategy you've employed here is effective. The poem consists of three lines that flow logically and thematically from one to the next. It begins with the concept of living, transitions to the idea of experiencing life as a series of miracles, and concludes with the word "outrageous," which invites further contemplation.

The theme of the haiku centers around the wonder and marvel of life. It suggests that living itself is a miraculous journey filled with moments that can be described as outrageous in their complexity and beauty. This theme is relatable and encourages introspection.

One notable aspect of your haiku is the use of enjambment, where the sentence carries over from one line to the next without a pause. This technique enhances the flow of the poem and adds to its sense of continuity. For example, the phrase "one miracle to the next" flows seamlessly from the second line to the third, reinforcing the idea of a continuous and evolving life.

To further improve this haiku, you might consider experimenting with the arrangement of lines to emphasize certain aspects. For example, you could try placing the word "outrageous" at the beginning of the poem to immediately capture the reader's attention and create a stronger impact.

Additionally, haiku often rely on vivid imagery to convey their messages. You might explore the use of sensory details or concrete imagery to enhance the reader's engagement with the theme. This could make the haiku even more evocative and memorable.

"a life" is such a reflective haiku that encapsulates the wonder of existence in its few brief lines. I hope you find my feedback helpful, about experimenting with line arrangement and incorporating sensory details or imagery, and not intrusive. Thanks for sharing with our community.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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