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Review #4716373
Viewing a review of:
 Klahhane Ridge  [E]
Being in the moment: Olympic National Park
by RatDog
Review of Klahhane Ridge  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello RatDog ,

Thank you for sharing your haiku "Klahhane Ridge” for feedback. Haikus are a beautiful form of poetry that require precision and elegance, and this one encapsulates the essence of a serene moment in nature. Here's my reaction and feedback:

Style and Form
The haiku's simplicity and brevity are its strengths. The three-line structure adheres to the traditional 5-7-5 syllable pattern, which adds a sense of traditional beauty. The stark contrast between the image of "Mountains out of sight" and the "grey wall" provides a striking visual contrast, which immediately engages the reader.

Theme and Imagery
The haiku beautifully captures a moment of profound connection with nature and mindfulness. It's about being present in the moment, where the mountains, though not visible, make an impact on the speaker's state of mind. The "grey wall" can be seen as a metaphor for a mental barrier or the mundane concerns of daily life, which momentarily recedes, allowing the speaker to find "Peace" within.

Poetic Devices
The haiku employs several poetic devices. Firstly, there's juxtaposition in the contrast between what's physically absent (the mountains) and what's vividly present (the "grey wall"), which creates a strong contrast. It's a fine example of how haikus often emphasize the significance of the moment by highlighting one or two key elements.

Suggestions for Improvement—
Given the brevity of haikus, it's essential to ensure that every word and syllable contributes meaningfully. In this haiku, "The" in the first line is not essential and could be omitted to create a more streamlined structure, like: "Mountains out of sight."

While traditional 5-7-5 haikus are prevalent, they're not the only form of haiku. Consider experimenting with variations that still capture the essence of the moment but don't necessarily adhere strictly to the syllable count. This can offer new perspectives and flexibility in your haiku writing.

In conclusion, this was a lovely haiku that brings the reader into a serene moment of mindfulness and connection with nature. Its brevity and simplicity are its strengths, and with a slight adjustment for conciseness, it could become even more potent in its reflection of the shared moment.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army
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