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Review #4716197
Viewing a review of:
A Gift from a Monster  [18+]
A mother's grief is immeasurable, and wrath threatens to consume her soul.
by Jimmy E. Durham, RN-BC
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Dear Jimmy E. Durham, RN-BC ,

I discoverd you short story some time ago and kept in the cue until I had time to give it a read and feedback. I found "A Gift from a Monster"  explores the deep, dark themes of grief, loss, anger, and vengeance. It effectively captures the protagonist's overwhelming emotions following the tragic death of her child and her husband's and her own desperate quest for justice. Some of my observations with what I found good and some suggestions for improvement outlined below:

It Had A Strong Emotional Impact:
The story successfully conveys the intense emotions of the protagonist, especially her grief and anger. The reader can feel her pain and frustration.

On Character Development:
The characters' emotions and inner conflicts are well-portrayed, particularly the divide between the husband and wife in dealing with their loss. The monster's chilling demeanor and the mother's indifference create a sense of foreboding.

About Imagery and Description:
The story uses vivid descriptions to evoke powerful emotions. However, there are moments when the graphic detail might be overly explicit. Balancing the gruesome details with subtlety could create a more suspenseful atmosphere.

As To Dialogue:
The dialogue effectively reveals the characters' emotions and motivations. However, consider using dialogue tags and attributions to clarify who is speaking, especially in scenes with multiple characters.

Per Structure and Pacing:
The story maintains the reader's interest with a steady pace, but it might benefit from shorter paragraphs and more varied sentence structure to enhance readability.

The Resolution:
The story concludes with a shocking revelation from the monster, leaving the reader with a disturbing impression. However, the ending could be made more impactful by delving deeper into the emotional aftermath for the protagonist and her husband, or by leaving some elements open to interpretation.

Considering Show vs. Tell:
Some parts of the story involve telling the reader what the characters are feeling or thinking rather than showing through actions and dialogue. Expanding on these moments with more active descriptions could further engage the reader.

Of Consistency in Tone:
While exploring dark and heavy themes, maintaining a consistent tone throughout the story is important. Some sections, like the mother's inner monologue, could be revised to ensure they align with the overall tone of the narrative.

Regarding Title Significance:
The title, "A Gift From A Monster," is thought-provoking, but its relevance could be made clearer within the story. Consider emphasizing the connection between the title and your narrative.

Relevance of Certain Details:
Some details about the mother's religious beliefs and her son's upbringing may be more explicit than necessary for the story's progression. Streamlining these sections could improve pacing.

As To Punctuation and Grammar:
There are occasional issues with punctuation, grammar, and formatting that can disrupt the flow of the story. Careful proofreading and editing would help in this regard.

“A Gift From A Monster" is indeed gripping and effectively conveys intense emotions with its exploration of dark themes. Given some refinements in structure, description, and pacing, the compelling nature of this reading experience can be even more intense, while maintaining its emotional impact.

It was a pleasure to read and consider your short story for feedback.

Brian
WDC Angel Army Reviewer
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