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Review #4716191
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Dear H. M. Marie ,

Your poetic offering is a haunting exploration of minimalism and brevity through the lens of a Japanese lantern form, which I see adheres to a strict syllable count per line. I feel the absence of a title emphasizes your poem's distilled essence, inviting readers to delve into this tiny, cryptic world.

Your poem's brevity forced me to scrutinize each word carefully. The opening line, "doll," delivers a strikingly singular image, immediately capturing one’s attention. The use of monosyllabic words also creates a sense of starkness and isolation. As we progress, the phrase "dusty seams now split" evokes the fragility of dreams and the passage of time. The choice of "buried dreamer" carries a dual meaning, hinting at both a deceased individual and the abandonment of aspirations.

The poem's form is crucial to its impact on this reader. By adhering to the lantern structure, you have skillfully employed the required syllable count with its constraint that helps convey depth of emotion depicted. Each line builds on the previous, creating a crescendo of meaning and tension.

"Untitled" operates as dark poetry by delving into themes of loss, decay, and the abandonment of dreams. It paints a desolate landscape where even dreams themselves are "buried." Your poetic offering operates within the genre's boundaries by evoking a sense of unease and melancholy, all within the confines of those five lines.

One suggestion to enhance the poem's impact could be to consider the use of imagery and symbolism. For instance, you might explore how specific objects or colors could deepen the layers of meaning. Additionally, consider playing somehow with line breaks and the use of punctuation to further control the poem's pace and emphasis for a more dramatic effect. For instance, adding a comma after "dusty" in the second line could amplify the pause and emphasize the decay.

In conclusion, this lantern poem was compelling in exploration of voice, form, and thematic depth within the constraints of a Japanese form. It captivates with its stark imagery and brevity while inviting contemplation of the hidden meanings beneath its surface. Further experimentation with symbolism and punctuation could truly enrich an already evocative piece.

It was a pleasure to come across this unique poem with its small shape form.

Sincerely,

Brian
WDC Angel Army
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