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Review #4714152
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The Home Run to Victory Open in new Window. [E]
The winning baseball home run in 55 words. Bruises may occur.
by Duchess Laughing Lemurs Author Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hallo!
This one showed up on 'read and review'.

I understand that this is a 55 word story and therefore allows limited space. Given that, you've told a complete story, which is an achievement.

SUGGESTION
However, I think you could have made some of those 55 words possibly work harder by including feelings instead of just action. It is known that the ball and bat connect, and then first, second, home. Maybe you don't need to spell that out, but instead put (just to give a couple of examples) 'sweat pours' or 'determined' or 'close shave', to increase the excitement and draw the reader in.

Now that the contest is over, maybe pick two other genres besides 'sports'.

Maybe some WritingML like font, size and line space, to increase the impact of your words.

Thanks for sharing this one!
Write On!
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