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Review #4713872
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Review by NaNoKit Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (4.5)
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Hi casekay9,

Welcome to Writing.Com! *Delight*

Overall Impression:

Now this is an interesting little poem. I cannot help but wonder what inspired it. There is some unusual imagery here, and I like it.

The main content of the poem shows the scene of a wet, slippery floor and the trouble it can give a person when they don't have something - or someone - to hold onto. As someone who can trip over their own feet - and who has indeed done so more than once - it was a scene that I could relate to, and I am certain that most people could. The last line, however, turns the poem upside down and calls for more reflection. As said, interesting!

On the technical side of things, this poem reads well. It looks to be a free verse poem with a little rhyme at the end. Well done!

Suggestions:

I do have some suggestions, dear author. I hope that you will find them helpful!

Lines 8/9:

*Snow2* sometimes you have
to wait until the floor dries

As I mentioned above, the poem reads well. There are just these two lines where I think the rhythm and flow can be improved. I am not certain if you're working with a set syllable count. In that case, please ignore this suggestion. I would then suggest, instead, to make a note of this at the bottom of your item. If it is a free verse poem, however, I suggest changing these lines to:

sometimes you have to wait
until the floor dries

I think that this would flow better into the final line. Worth playing around with, perhaps?

General Suggestions:

*Snow2* You use punctuation at the end of the poem, but not throughout. I suggest going for full punctuation. This would assist the overall clarity and reading experience.

*Snow2* In line with this, I suggest capitalising the beginning of each individual sentence within the piece. That would perfect the overall clarity and reading experience.

For example, line 8 and 9 would become

Sometimes you have to wait
until the floor dries.

My Rating:

I enjoyed your poem. I am glad that I got to read it.

I did have a few suggestions. Nothing major, though. Therefore, I will give this item a rating of 4.5 out of 5.

Thank you for sharing your work.

Write on!

Kit

A dragon reading a book by candle light


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