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 Review #4713870 |
| (4.5)| Dear SeanFhear  ,So glad I discovered your poem, "Nausea" today and wanted to offer my reaction with some feedback."Nausea" presents an interesting interplay between vivid imagery and emotional depth. The poem revolves around themes of love, loss, and the emotional impact of waiting. You've employed poetic devices like metaphor and personification effectively to convey its message. You did well to hook this reader from the start… In the luster of her eyes you'd see the dreams of a glowing sun The opening lines create a beautiful image of the subject's eyes, described as "the dreams of a glowing sun." That is particularly striking in how it shows emotion with the simple depiction of eyes. This shows you don’t have to work hard with the language as natural as this. There is warmth, appreciation, a comparative with a vision all know well, especially with ‘glowing’, a word often applied to pregnant women. There’s something special about this someone. This metaphor not only paints a vivid picture but also implies a gaze that is uplifting and inspiring (as to write an ode to her). The subsequent lines further explore the idea of the heart's connection to the subject's presence, using rich metaphors and personification to illustrate the profound effect this person has. One of the notable features of the poem is the use of repetition, particularly in the lines "shall I wait for the injury to heal" and "shall remain unditched." This repetition not only serves to emphasize key ideas but also contributes to the poem's rhythm and overall flow. This is especially functional with a tonality that appeases. I did have some suggestions if you ever consider doing any revisions: 1. Clarity in Transition While the poem effectively conveys emotion and imagery, it could benefit from greater clarity in transitioning between ideas. For instance, there's a shift from describing the subject's impact on the speaker to the idea of waiting, and then to the concept of nausea. Ensuring a smoother transition between these aspects would enhance the poem's coherence. 2. Explore Emotions Deeper The poem touches on powerful emotions like love and loss, but there's room to delve even deeper into these feelings. Consider expanding on the emotional turmoil caused by waiting and the lasting impact of loss to create a more profound emotional resonance. 3. Varying Structure While the poem maintains a consistent rhyme scheme and structure, experimenting with line length and stanza breaks could add variety and impact to the poem's overall rhythm and delivery. This could help emphasize key moments or ideas. I thought this poem effectively captures the emotions associated with love, waiting, and loss. By refining those transitions, maybe delving deeper into emotions, and possibly experimenting a bit with structure, you could further enhance ability of this write to resonate impactfully with readers. I enjoyed reading your poem and considering its potential. I’m happy you shared it here, offering me this chance to lend feedback…if it helps in any way. Best regards, Brian Super Power Reviewer    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 09/27/2023 @ 4:25pm EDT