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 Review #4713752 |
 |  | wearing my body  [13+] a prose poem on the ownership of my own body  |
| (4.5)| Dear Charlie Carrol , "wearing my body" is a thought-provoking prose poem that delves into the complex theme of ownership and autonomy over one's own body. The poem explores the idea that, despite the appearance of control, the body is not entirely one's own but subject to societal expectations and external influences. It struck me to consider that for a moment.The central theme of body ownership is effectively expressed through the use of vivid and symbolic imagery. The comparison of the speaker's skin to a peach and the mention of weeping sweet sticky sap create a sensory experience for the reader, while evoking vulnerability and fragility. The form as a prose poem is well-suited to its contemplative and introspective nature. The lack of traditional line breaks allows for a continuous flow of thoughts and reflections, emphasizing the narrator's inner dialogue and personal exploration. Often times, I do this, but still break up the text. Can't get comfortable with it. However, with every poem I read, I task myself with offering some suggestions and there might be some areas where the poem can be improved, should the author choose: 1. Clarity and Structure: While the prose form allows for a stream-of-consciousness style, the narrative could benefit from a slightly clearer structure to guide the reader through the speaker's evolving thoughts and emotions. Sometimes, we need those pauses at the right moments to punctuate what was just revealed, or to pause a bit to consider. 2. Stylistic Consistency: Consider maintaining a consistent tone throughout the poem. The transition from a contemplative tone in the beginning to a more intimate and sensual tone in the middle and the return to introspection at the end could be smoothed out for a more cohesive narrative, should you choose. It's always personal in these cases and difficult. But, you have the original and something to experiment with, to see if the experience can be heightened, new revelations revealed. 3. Punctuation: Be mindful of punctuation to enhance the flow and comprehension. Some sentences are long and could be broken into shorter, more digestible segments for improved readability. With long lines and no stop signs or yields, the pace can be fast, or thick and slow. Read aloud, it's possible to hear where the words long to hesitate, or how they flow like a stream. Overall, "Wearing My Body" is a compelling exploration of the concept of body ownership and the societal pressures that influence it. With some refinement in structure and stylistic consistency, it can become an even more powerful and thought-provoking piece of prose poetry. That's up to you. I liked it. Lending a few extra observations that could even apply to the next thing your write,. Who knows? We're all learning as we go. Reviewing helps me with digesting and breaking down words to comprehend and understand from the many different styles and ideals out there that can influence writing. It was a pleasure to read and offer this feedback, Brian Super Power Reviewer    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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