The thrill of riding a white horse is well shown. However, with a few changes, this story will look more appealing.

Edit-

"Well can I pett him?"
(Well can I pet him?)

"Her eyes filled with tears with happiness."
(Her eyes filled with tears of happiness.)

"" Butiful name sweetie! ""

( " Beautiful name sweetie! ")

Suggestions-

Please divide the story into paragraphs.

Double spacing between conversations is important.
It gives clarity and the reader finds it appealing too.

Please check your punctuation too. Insert commas where necessary.

Write on!




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .