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Review #4713050
Viewing a review of:
I Write - Decade Edition - Roaring 20's  [E]
Poems and prose for various contests over the course of the decade.
by 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson
         Review for entry/chapter: "An Average Day" 
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Dear 💙 Carly - aka Joan Watson ,

Thank you for your entry in the Red Wheelbarrow contest. It was a long summer, and apologize for the delay in judging.

With "An Average Day" , you entered with your free verse poem that embraces simplicity and gratitude in the routine of daily life. Its style is straightforward and unadorned, mirroring the ordinary nature of the day it describes. The structure of the poem consists of short, concise lines, reflecting the brevity and simplicity of daily activities.

The word usage in the poem is clear and accessible, making it easily readable for a broad audience. You'll find plenty on this website, too! The language is plain and relatable, which suits the theme of finding contentment in the everyday.

Playing as editor, you might consider a few improvements to enhance:

1. Imagery: While the poem is intentionally simple, adding a touch of vivid imagery or metaphor could enrich the reader's experience and make the descriptions of daily life more engaging. One expression I used in a 'family' poem was 'ordinary as oatmeal'. It's alliterative and has some assonance.

2. Variety in Line Length: While the short lines mirror the brevity of daily activities, introducing some longer lines could add rhythm and variety to the poem's structure.

3. Poetic Devices: The poem could benefit from the incorporation of poetic devices such as alliteration, assonance, or enjambment to create a more dynamic flow and engage the reader's senses.

To make a poem about an average day interesting to read, the poet can consider the following:

1. Emotion and Connection: Infuse the poem with personal emotions and experiences tied to the routine. Connect the reader to the mundane activities on a deeper level by conveying the significance they hold.

2. Vivid Detail: Highlight specific details that bring the day to life. Describe the sights, sounds, and sensations that make each moment unique, even within the ordinary.

3. Shift in Perspective: Offer a new perspective or reflection on the day's events. This could involve introspection or philosophical musings that prompt readers to reconsider their own daily routines.

The poet of "An Average Day" demonstrates traits of gratitude, contentment, and the ability to find joy in simplicity. These qualities can be further exploited to enhance the poem's success. For instance:

1. Emphasize Gratitude: The poet can delve deeper into the emotions of gratitude, perhaps by illustrating moments that evoke this feeling. A walk, touch of the hand, nature's renewal with Spring/Autumn. Expressing gratitude in a nuanced way can resonate more strongly with readers.

2. Amplify Simplicity: Exploit the power of that simplicity with words that evoke a sense of tranquility and peace. Readers often appreciate poems that offer a respite from the complexities of life. It'd be a big score at this website.

3. Explore the Mundane: While celebrating an average day, the poet can delve into the beauty of everyday moments, elevating them to a level of poetic appreciation. This can be achieved through careful observation and vivid description. Cuddling under a comforter, maybe with a child, the quiet observed.

In conclusion, your poem embraces the nature of daily life and gratitude found within it. While it succeeds in its simplicity and accessibility to a reader, there is room for enhancement through the incorporation of poetic devices and a deeper emotional, maybe spiritual, connection. By exploiting traits of gratitude and contentment, your poem can offer readers a more profound and engaging perspective on the ordinary.

I wake up and breathe.
I get up and move.
I have work to do that fulfills me... *PointLeft* Nice flow here.

This was nice. *ThumbsUpL* I'm very appreciative of your entry and support of the contest.

Brian
WDC Angel Army
Non-Animated Angel Army Signature

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/22/2023 @ 8:15pm EDT
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