%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4712037 |
 | Jellybeans (CH01 Draft 02)  [E] God recalls them to heaven. His method: jellybeans only children can see.  |
| (4.5)| Hello nagicaljoey This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum" [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with.   I enjoyed reading your first chapter. I look forward to reading more of your book. Please let me know when you complete further chapters.  Title and Description - Great title. It drew my attention. But your description really hooked me and urged me to read on. Your categories: Family, Emotional, and Community, don't specify a specific genre. Maybe delete Community and add 'Drama' or a genre you think will fit well. Many people look up items to read based solely on the genres. So, it may pull in more readers for you.  Theme/Subject Matter:- The first chapter only glimpses at the jellybeans as being a 'supernatural' part of the story. I look forward to reading more that firmly brings in the story's description. Characters - You really do a fantastic job of letting the reader get to know your characters. I already feel I truly know each one of them. Nicely done!  Originality/Creativity:- By reading the description and what your book is supposed to be about, I'd say the idea for the book is highly creative. Setting - You do a good job describing the setting. The reader can easily visualize each scene while reading. Emotion/Impact: - Good use of words to pull us into the emotional impact of each character. My Suggestions - His pyjama pants}His pajama pants  feel swinging in the air,feet swinging in the air,  She gently squeezed his knewShe quickly squeezed his arm David scarpered away David scampered away  light-fingers atlight fingers at first-born.firstborn.  heavens and,heavens, and  Summary: Thank you so much for sharing your first chapter with us. I enjoyed reading it, and look forward to reading more. KEEP ON WRITING ON!  Intuey   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You have not yet responded to this review.