Jellybeans (CH01 Draft 02) [E] God recalls them to heaven. His method: jellybeans only children can see. |
Hello nagicaljoey This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum" [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. I enjoyed reading your first chapter. I look forward to reading more of your book. Please let me know when you complete further chapters. Title and Description - Great title. It drew my attention. But your description really hooked me and urged me to read on. Your categories: Family, Emotional, and Community, don't specify a specific genre. Maybe delete Community and add 'Drama' or a genre you think will fit well. Many people look up items to read based solely on the genres. So, it may pull in more readers for you. Theme/Subject Matter:- The first chapter only glimpses at the jellybeans as being a 'supernatural' part of the story. I look forward to reading more that firmly brings in the story's description. Characters - You really do a fantastic job of letting the reader get to know your characters. I already feel I truly know each one of them. Nicely done! Originality/Creativity:- By reading the description and what your book is supposed to be about, I'd say the idea for the book is highly creative. Setting - You do a good job describing the setting. The reader can easily visualize each scene while reading. Emotion/Impact: - Good use of words to pull us into the emotional impact of each character. My Suggestions - His pyjama pants} His pajama pants feel swinging in the air, feet swinging in the air, She gently squeezed his knew She quickly squeezed his arm David scarpered away David scampered away light-fingers at light fingers at first-born. firstborn. heavens and, heavens, and Summary: Thank you so much for sharing your first chapter with us. I enjoyed reading it, and look forward to reading more. KEEP ON WRITING ON! Intuey My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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