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Review #4712037
Viewing a review of:
 Jellybeans (CH01 Draft 02) Open in new Window. [E]
God recalls them to heaven. His method: jellybeans only children can see.
by MagicalJoey Author Icon
Review by 👼intuey Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello nagicaljoey This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum" Open in new Window. [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with. *Smile*


*Reading* I enjoyed reading your first chapter. I look forward to reading more of your book. Please let me know when you complete further chapters. *Smile*

*Balloon2* Title and Description - Great title. It drew my attention. But your description really hooked me and urged me to read on.

Your categories: Family, Emotional, and Community, don't specify a specific genre. Maybe delete Community and add 'Drama' or a genre you think will fit well.

Many people look up items to read based solely on the genres. So, it may pull in more readers for you.

*Penr* Theme/Subject Matter:- The first chapter only glimpses at the jellybeans as being a 'supernatural' part of the story. I look forward to reading more that firmly brings in the story's description.

*Flower1* Characters - You really do a fantastic job of letting the reader get to know your characters. I already feel I truly know each one of them. Nicely done! *Smile*

*Penb*Originality/Creativity:- By reading the description and what your book is supposed to be about, I'd say the idea for the book is highly creative.

*Balloon4* Setting - You do a good job describing the setting. The reader can easily visualize each scene while reading.

*Flower3*Emotion/Impact: - Good use of words to pull us into the emotional impact of each character.

*Balloon4* My Suggestions -

*Reading* His pyjama pants}

His pajama pants

*Penv* feel swinging in the air,

feet swinging in the air,

*Bookopen* She gently squeezed his knew

She quickly squeezed his arm

*Reading* David scarpered away

David scampered away

*Books3* light-fingers at

light fingers at

*Reading* first-born.

firstborn.

*Peno* heavens and,

heavens, and

*Peng*Summary: Thank you so much for sharing your first chapter with us. I enjoyed reading it, and look forward to reading more.

*Quill* KEEP ON WRITING ON! *Quill*

*Heart* Intuey

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