%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4711952 |
 | Invalid Item  [] |
| (4.5)| Hi Siobhan Falen  . I'm reviewing "Invalid Item" for today's Superpower Review Raid. As a fellow student of writing, I offer my comments and suggestions in hopes you'll find something useful to you in your writing journey. Impressions: This flash fiction story is cute and gave me a smile. I enjoyed the story, as I'm someone who needs peace and quiet in the mornings before I can enjoy anyone's company (and I definitely don't want anyone making advances  ).  I also loved that in the dream, the elementary school teacher was represented (or represented herself) as a queen. That's one thing that brought about my smile. Women feeling strong, especially when their role in life isn't looked upon with the respect it deserves. I think the dialogue between the queen and the lord is wonderful. Their voices are clear and believable, and I love the queen's comment about his charms would be better used with the kitchen maids. That gave me a chuckle. I also found it clever that you linked the smell of coffee from her reality into her dream. That's a great bit of realism that you were able to put into this very short story. All very well done. Suggestions: I wanted to mention the wording of the first sentence, since it is so important in such a short work. I found this sentence a bit awkward: The morning rays illuminated Queen Breanna on her balcony, surveying the cove below. I would ordinarily suggest moving the Queen's action to the beginning of the sentence to bring strength and movement to the piece, then reword the details to make the sentence shine the way you want it to. Since word count is a priority here, I recommend a small change to make it clear that it isn't the morning rays that are surveying the cove : The morning rays illuminated Queen Breanna on her balcony as she surveying surveyed the cove below. This adds two words to the count, but the word count hasn't been included, so I can't say how this changes your entry to the contest. I discovered this story in your fantasy folder, and after reading it, I don't believe it belongs fits the fantasy genre. If the queen in the story is meant to be Fae it would fit, but there's nothing in the description to make me think she is. The story of a woman whose dream cuts a little too close to her reality when she wakes would need a hint of magic, a mythological creature, or something otherworldly to bump it into that genre. I suggest changing one of the genres to comedy and removing fantasy for the list. Take-Away: This is a charming story that has a lot of strengths displayed in a very short word count. I found the characters delightful, made strong through the dialogue. I'm glad I stopped at your port and found you're also affiliated with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" !I hope you've found some of my comments or suggestions helpful, and that you've had a great day. I wish you all the best in your writing pursuits. Write (& review) on!  Invalid Photo #1068504    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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