One of the things you wanted to know was Character Development. The main character is Victoria. The beginning goes into the strong relationship she had with her friend, Debbie. So there are some layers of her personality added to her character. We get to see the emotional bond she has with Debbie and how their relationship has grown over the years. I think for me, there was a lot of background information at the beginning, and I wanted to have a stronger beginning to hook me. It is important to flesh out the main character, but it's better if it's done in increments along the way and not in one block of information. To start a short story, try and hook us in with a strong first sentence and then slowly set-up the scene further with the character's background.

You also wanted to know about the flow of the story. I think some of this is covered above but I would also add to read it out loud. It's amazing what you can catch a long the way. I did have to stop reading a few times to connect some of the pieces and it just came down to word choice. I'll mention a few spots: charge card company sounds smoother by using credit card company. And, as she handed over the ticket. I had to think what the ticket was and then realized it was the 'bill' for the meal. Some little things like that need to be edited to improve the flow.

I picked up on the story structure and I thought it was great how you tied the beginning to the end. It made for a touching story. The only thing that was confusing was having the waitress have the same name as Victoria's friend. I thought that maybe I missed something and it jumped back in time. I then realized the waitress had the same type of a strong friendship with her friend as Victoria and Debbie, so that made for a nice way to end it off. Just by changing the waitress's name, though, it would tighten the story up.