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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4711769
Review #4711769
Viewing a review of:
 Punta Mala Open in new Window. [18+]
A man chooses his way out. What better way than fighting pirates?
by Winchester Jones Author Icon
Review of Punta Mala  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Ah, resolution by deflation - very clever. D'you know, I love this story, even though I saw the surprise ending coming a mile off. The rest of the tale is so strong and the writing so good that it really doesn't matter. And this wonderful character is going to get the death he wishes for sooner or later - he's that set on it. Although it's a neat little story in itself, this is just an episode in a much larger story.

Not that I would insist on you continuing it. You have done all that's necesaary, creating the character and his determination and all the possibilities to come, just so the reader can fall in love with them. Now it's up to the reader to make whatever ending he will. Wonderful stuff.

For the sake of the contest I'm involved in, I do have to offer suggestions for improvement. That's gonna be difficult considering how good it is, but I'll have a go. One picky little thing I noticed on the way through was this:

You have a tendency to be unsure when joining words together. For instance, you write "heart-rate" whereas it should be "heart rate," and "over-head" when "overhead is correct, "along side" is "alongside." Whenever I hit even a slight doubt with such things, I give 'em a quick check by entering them in Google. Just enter them in the search bar and Google will tell you what's right.

In the heading, you've chosen the genres Contest Entry and Other, neither of which are likely to bring in readers searching under particular genre headings. Choose three options in a meaningful way and you'll increase your potential readership considerably.

And that's all I can find. Thanks for a wonderful read of an entertaining and amusing tale.

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Beholden


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Printed from https://writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4711769