%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4711714 |
 | Stare-master  [E] Balance in life; a purpose for exercising = coffee + unlimited donuts WITH sprinkles !  |
| (4.0)| Hello foxdale This is a review on behalf of "Angel Review Forum" [ASR] This is only my views. Please use or discard as you're comfortable with.   This was a cute story. It was easy to visualize ya'll sitting in the doughnut shop watching the chiseled, vain jogger have his 'run' in.   Title and Description - Very good play on words with your title. It definitely drew my attention. Your description made me want to read on. You may want to consider rewording it a bit:There should be a balance in life: A purpose for exercising equals unlimited doughnuts.  Theme/Subject Matter:- Doughnut lovers watch as an inspiring fitness junkie tangos with a telephone cable. Characters - Great character development in such a short piece. The reader was easily able to get to know both personalities. Originality/Creativity:- I like the creative spin you put on the intense exercise junkie and the viewers. Nice job. Setting - Good job on the setting. I was easily able to visualize each scene as I read.  Emotion/Impact: - This left me with a smile and a chuckle. My Suggestions - As that Mister Macho Delete the word 'that' him in mid stride. him in mid-stride.  shop's windows, No comma is needed after windows. out of shape out-of-shape  below an adbelow is an ad  Summary: Thanks for the chuckle. I enjoyed reading your story. Thanks for sharing it with us. KEEP ON WRITING ON!  Intuey  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You responded to this review 09/13/2023 @ 9:01pm EDT