They didn't have what long? A relationship, life, separation until they met? I had to know so continued to read your story.

The beginning paragraph about Annabel and her normal day at the coffee shop seems to have some omissions/typos. I wonder how she was feeling inside and how she reacted to her feelings outwardly?

I didn't get it at first, Annabel Day is her full name and this is partly why the paragraph seemed awkward, oops. I think Day and Night are last names, correct?

On the fourth division, you use "rumbled" twice in the same sentence. Using a different word to describe His soul rumbling would be better to show how he reacted. If not, the map and X's might be a distraction or twist if this story is expanded. There is a lot of potential for this story to grow.ted to the situation inside as well as show the outside response. How did he feel and react? Why?

Erasmus growled and complained with clenched teeth or in some other manner?

The story seemed to quickly and abruptly and have a disasterous ending. My guess is that that bomb was set by Erasmus maybe, or he at least was involved with sinister activities.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .